Jay Abbasi on Worthy Connections

In this episode of Worthy Connections, Laura Lasher talks with Jay Abbasi about generosity, leadership, high performance, burnout, and the importance of creating enough space in life to sustain the work that matters. About 15 years ago, he was stressed, overworked and unhappy. When he finally began reaching out for help, he encountered leaders willing to share their experience without expecting anything in return. Their generosity made a lasting impression.

As his own career and business grew, he decided he wanted to offer that same openness to others. During his career—including his time at Tesla—he noticed a significant difference between people who possessed authority because of their position and those who genuinely inspired others.

The people he admired most were sincere about adding value without immediately asking what they would get in return. That ultimately led Jay toward his own philosophy of giving without expectation. Jay closes by describing the organizations and associations he most enjoys serving: those whose people are dealing with change, uncertainty and chaos and that want to help them remain both happy and high performing.

Transcript Highlights

Laura Lasher: Welcome to Worthy Connections, the podcast where we sit down with people who are building something real—entrepreneurs, brand builders and leaders who've earned their authority the hard way. This morning, we're visiting with Jay Abbasi. You're going to be excited to hear his story, what's driven him here and how he's helping people recharge, refresh, reconnect and reframe their identities. Welcome, Jay.

Jay Abbasi: Hello, Laura. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Laura: Thank you. I looked at your website and LinkedIn, and you're so open and engaging with people, regardless of what level they're at or what industry they're in. Why are you so open to people? What drives you to do that?

Jay: I think it's because of the people who were open to me years ago.

When I think about my life 15 years ago, I was really struggling. I was stressed, overworked and unhappy. I wasn't someone who would reach out to people.

When I decided to make some changes in my life, I became curious enough and had the courage to reach out and ask people for help.

The people who were open and willing to share meant so much to me. Having a leader open themselves up like that made an enormous difference.

As I've grown in my life, career and business, if someone is interested in my work and wants my help with something, I'm going to do my best to help them and be of service. It's really in response to those who were kind enough to do it for me.

Laura: It sounds like a lot of humble gratitude has arisen from your years in business. But you've also held positions where there must have been a lot of ego around you. How did you arrive at this mindset?

Jay: There are definitely some egos out there!

But it's been through experience. If I think about the people who inspired me most in my career—when I was working at Tesla and after leaving Tesla—it's always been someone who was giving without expecting anything in return.

It's someone sincere about wanting to add value.

I've also seen the other way: people who are primarily concerned about what they're going to get or who are guarded and closed off. Those people can be brilliant. They can have a title and possess authority, but that doesn't necessarily mean they inspire others.

A lot of the work I've done on myself—understanding my values and what I want to give to the world—has led me toward this mindset of being a giver without expecting anything in return.

One of my favorite books is The Go-Giver by Bob Burg. I reread it often.

Laura: That intention seems very genuine. People can see it through your website and LinkedIn, but they can also hear it in the way you speak.

You have tremendous energy—but you have to refill that energy, too.

Jay: Absolutely. There's a term I've developed through my work with leaders and my research. I call it the joy equilibrium, and I often share it in my keynotes.

The joy equilibrium is about balancing giving and receiving.

High performers—people who are truly ambitious and driven—can fall into a pattern where they constantly want to give. They want to add value, make a difference, innovate and work.

If the scales tip too far toward giving, that's what leads us into burnout and overwhelm. We may be doing incredible things, but we're not necessarily happy doing them.

On the other hand, if we tip the scales toward only receiving and not enough giving, we're just seeking pleasure and thinking about what we get from everything. Maybe we're on our phones all day, constantly feeding ourselves stimuli.

That's when people can begin to feel empty and without meaning.

We don't want to be too far on either side. We want to balance giving and receiving.

I describe it as your flame and your fuel.

Your flame is what you give to the world—your light and your warmth. Each person has a unique way of serving the world and contributing. I believe everyone has a unique role to play.

Once you figure that out and begin giving it to the world, that's your flame.

But you also need fuel.

Your fuel is what you receive from the world. It could be quality time with your family. It could be being out in nature. It could simply be rest.

Whatever it is, you need to know what fuels you.

Being intentional about the flame you're giving to the world and the fuel you're receiving from the world—and keeping those in balance—is what allows you to be happy while still achieving a great deal in your life.

Laura: And you're instilling this in your daughter, too. Your daughter's Amelia?

Jay: Yes. She's 14.

She's right at that point where she still likes hanging out with me, but I'm not quite as cool as I was yesterday. I feel like I've reached the peak of my coolness, so I'm holding on as long as I can to those times when she still chooses to hang out with me instead of her friends.

Laura: So that's one of the spaces where you allow yourself to refuel.

You're obviously in demand. Looking at your website, you've spoken for and worked with leaders from some very recognizable companies. You could probably book your calendar solid with speaking engagements and executive coaching.

How do you decide where your time is best spent?

Jay: It wasn't easy for me to learn how to say no.

It's a natural, conditioned pattern of mine to want to help everyone and be a people pleaser. I often say I'm a recovering people pleaser—and “recovering” means I haven't fully recovered!

I always want to deliver for people. I want to meet or exceed their expectations. I want to help everyone.

A mentor once told me, “If you try to help everyone, you help no one,” because eventually you'll be drained and won't be able to serve.

Learning what to say yes to and what to say no to has definitely been difficult.

One tactic I've learned is not to give an immediate answer when someone asks me for something. I give myself permission to process the request.

In the past, I might have immediately jumped to yes. Or if I was feeling overwhelmed and burned out, I might have immediately jumped to no.

Now, when someone asks something of me, I might say, “I hear you. I understand what you're looking for. Is it okay if I give that some thought and get back to you tomorrow, Friday or Monday?”

People say yes.

That creates space for me to consider: If I say yes to that, what am I going to be saying no to? Does this align with my priorities and values?

I call it the Circle Back Method.

I don't have to say yes or no on the spot. I can consider it, process it and get back to the person with a clearer mind.

Doing this has helped me avoid overwhelming myself while ensuring I have time with Amelia, my wife Alex, and for myself.

Laura: That's great advice. I can put myself into many of the things you've described. Over the years, I've also tended to give, give, give.

I'd love to have you come back so we can circle back and see what you're doing.

Before we finish, who are the people you'd most like to connect with? Who can we send your way?

Jay: Thank you for those kind words. It's been an honor to be here.

I love connecting with anyone who's looking to bring these kinds of lessons to their people.

Maybe someone's thinking, “Our culture or our members are struggling with change, uncertainty and chaos. We'd love to bring someone in who can help them through this, add value in a meaningful way and provide an experience that's fun and entertaining in addition to educational.”

Those are the people I often speak with because we're aligned.

They see a pathway for their people that allows them to be both happy and high performing.

Those are the people I love speaking with, whether that's an organization or an association.

And, of course, people can connect with me on LinkedIn. It's a wonderful platform. I've used it for many years and met some incredible people there—including people who are now close friends.

Laura: This has been great. Thank you so much. Make it a great day, take care—and share your light.

Jay: Thank you so much. You too, my friend.